Be Aware That a Note Can Be a Love Note Instead Of Death Note
by Rylolli
Summary: Tae found a mysterious note; Gintoki and Gorilla are there to help her understand the meaning of the contents. Oneshot. No pairings!


**Summary:** Tae found a mysterious note; Gintoki and Gorilla are there to help her understand the meaning of the content. Oneshot.

**Rating:** T

**A/N**: This is is UNBETA-ED, so I apologize beforehand the mistakes I made. *bow* I really hope you enjoy and please leave a review!

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**Be Aware That a Note Can Be a Love Note Instead Of Death Note**

The sun was shining fully, almost leaving crimson pupils blind when they stare directly at the white light in the center of a blue flawless sky. Gintoki inhaled deep, his nostrils almost sealing close from the cold. Sun, bastard wasn't doing his job properly, since cold was creeping in his spine and the shine isn't warming one a bit. Wind was blowing wildly, making people outside cover their clothes before the invisible thief took their wares, using natural ways.

And the last step was taken, now he could see the household he came to visit and his eyes catch a glimpse of the modest little sign attached to a wall: 'Kodoukan Dojo', he wasn't sure how many times has he read it before, but he wasn't questioning did he come here a lot.. because he did. Whether it was to help Shinpachi with his love-letters, or they were having a Christmas party, or just being sick.. He would end up here. The reason? Nope, he wasn't intending to find a reason, he's just those lazy people who blame fate in these kinds of situations. Yes, even today he was going to blame fate, even it didn't make sense one a bit. But fortunately there was no one questioning him, it was normal now. Almost like a second home.

He walked on the corridor, listening the heavy sound his boots made; it didn't take long for a pony-tailed woman, welcome him and a sincere smile was directed at him.. He would answer that smile only if he didn't know that most of the time that smile held evil intentions and deeds.

"Ara, it's Gin-san." Shimura Tae greeted him. "Long time no see, come in." She invited him inside from outside cold. Gintoki left his boots outside and walked in and let himself seat under the _kotatsu_, feeling the warmness spread.

"How have you been?" Otae asked and placed a warm tea before him. "Are you here for another loan? That's no good Gin-san, you haven't even paid back your previous loan."

Gintoki didn't anwer. If he would answer, it would come out as a cocky respond and being an asshole would only make Otae beat him pulp and no, he didn't come here for that, Gintoki was not a masochist.

"What's that?" Gintoki asked pointing at the black notebook beside Otae's tea.

Brown eyes opened from a smile to look at her note. "Oh, this. I found this last night while I was returning from work." Tae took the notebook in her hands.

"Huuh, a Death Note?" He leaned his chin on his palm.

"Well, that was my first impression too.. There was a Gorilla whose name I wanted to write, but the content was different." Otae flapped through cranky pages and stopped to read it out loud for him to hear.

_"That day.. I realized the true meaning of that word.. Because I felt it. I could feel how much I died inside.."_

Otae ceased to see Gintoki's reaction, but he was unaffected. He always failed to show his feelings, hence she wasn't expecting too much of him in the first place.

"Very deep, isn't it?"

"Cheesy."

"Do you want me to read the rest?"

"Finish it, you were the one who started it."

"Fine." Otae smiled with restraint, it was rare to see him interested in something and most of all very unexpected him to be willing to hear the rest of this. But what could she say, Gin-san was someone who would surprise everyone with his kind deeds and he would let the world beat every of his actions down, in order to see people around him happy.

But now she had a reading to do, thus she opened her mouth.

_"First time I saw his face, I knew I had to grow stronger to protect that slightly shy smirk of his."_

"A diary?" Gintoki moved closer, and then peered at the notebook.

"I suppose so.."

Gintoki gazed at the woman beside him, catching an uncertain feature on her face. It looked like she had no idea what she was talking about, only saying out loud the characters she knew. But was this supposed to be a surprise, when every time someone declared his love to her she would react.. in a certain way. He couldn't blame her, if she was raised by gorillas.

_"I never thought he really had the courage to say the three forbidden words."_

And that was it; Otae was done with reading something she had no idea of. She gazed the man who was listening her to her without making jokes miraculously. "Gin-san, do you understand this? I.. don't, but maybe there's someone out there in pain?"

'Pain.. _"That day.. I realized the true meaning of that word.. Because I felt it."_ - that must have been the word.' Gintoki eyed the book and let himself sigh lazily. "Who knows, just keep reading." It wasn't like there's anyone's pain he could soothe; Gintoki couldn't even soothe his own pain. He only did what he must to do.

_"When he said it, I was ready to face the end. If he was with me.. I could live with any burden, though my shoulders were thin and weak."_

Gintoki hid the slight frown his brows formed under his palm.

_"We could live with it, but could they?"_

Otae took a slight breath, shifting her eyes on the silver-haired beside him, expectantly. Sighing troubled he spat out, "This person seems to be talking about some kind of sin."

"Sin?" She tilted her head in a curious manner.

"Yeah, talking about 'facing the end' and 'forbidden words'.. It must have been some kind of sin for this couple to be with each other." Shouldn't this be obvious? Instead of saying that, he faced the door and kept his mouth shut. Yes, today he decided to be wise.

"What could have been these forbidden words be." Otae pressed her index finger on top of her lips, pensively.

"It's that, you know, that."

"Eh? What?"

Was she being serious now? He knew Otae being decent and lacking romance, but this? Even Kagura learned this kind of stuff by watching Lady Four. This should be common sense.

"Keep reading.."

_"They didn't give us a chance. They wanted to take him from me.. They wanted to kill me."_

His eyes cast down widened, feeling a strong twitch after a wave of discomforting old pain hit him. These words were reminding him of a crucial event.. with a certain man he used to treasure.

"Gin-san?"

Gintoki wiped quickly the flooding memoirs in his head and shot his lazy dead-fish eyes at Otae's worried brown's. "Why stop? Continue."

Otae maybe didn't see it clearly through his shrouding demeanor, but she could sense a slight almost imperceptible ache in his eyes. Tae had seen these kinds of spasm in his eyes many times earlier, even he thought he had hidden them perfectly, she had managed to catch a glimpse of his secretly aching soul. Was this book hurting him? She didn't know, and he wouldn't let her know. Hence, helplessly she translated out the foreign meanings out loud which only Gintoki seemed to understand.

_"Please, don't take him away from me, I begged to deaf ears. But I was lucky.. I had the strength to dive into the dark ocean. At that time I was sure they were able to reach us.."_

Tae glanced Gintoki, while reading a text she couldn't comprehend. Diving? Dark ocean? Nothing gave her idea what these could mean, but the thing she couldn't understand the most was Gintoki's awareness of all these.

_"So we danced till we became one. We promised that we would be together even if death would try to rip us apart. But he had to take a walk. What a long painful walk."_

Otae frowned, this must mean that the couple had to separate.

_"When you come back, I will make you happy for eternity! But now.. I can't take it.. I love him too much.."_

Gintoki straightened his back and stood up, yawning lazily.

"Gin-san.. Are you leaving without explaining anything to me?" There was a certain hollow in her sweet tone that Gintoki dared not to irritate.

"They're dead. That notebook is very old, so throw it or sell it. You don't need it." He said as he took pair of boots on and yawned again before walking away.

Hearing that the couple was dead made her eyes fall down, and all the hope she had for helping this person who was likely in pain crumbled into dust. Tae took a deep breath, letting all her tense muscles relax, she sipped the warm tea.

"Oi, damn Gorilla. Come out."

"Good afternoon, my lovely Otae-san! You're looking as beautiful as ever!" The Commander of the Shinsengumi, Kondo threw himself from his hide to embrace tightly his love of life, but only got a flying fist against his cheek.

"Y-You wanted something Otae-san?" He murmured in pain and eyes in tears.

Otae faced ahead evenly, and took another sip of the warm tea. "You were listening right now, weren't you?"

"Yes! And hearing such words coming out from Otae-san's mouth.." His face changed deadly serious. "..turned me on."

It took only a short moment before he was lying on the wooden floor, half of his soul hanging on his body.

"In that case, I assume you understood this." Tae kept drinking warmness from her cup, vein popping from her temple and hardly controlling her rage.

"Y-Y-Yesh.." Kondo's teeth clatter from pain; soon he wonders how many molars he lost after that punch. "It's about a love couple, who were separated very long time ago."

Otae placed the cup on the table startled, "Why was she separated from a man she loved? Even this notebook looks drenched, long time ago or not, I can tell that she has been crying very much and her handwriting is so mutable.. She must have been upset when she wrote this." Otae couldn't help but to feel empathy for the writer.

"She- Don't tell me, you actually didn't get it, Otae-san? The writer of this diary is a man. That's why the love was so forbidden." Kondo told her, only to make her majorly shocked. A-A man? She did not see that coming, not at all. All of those words spoken by a man, tenderly in a fragile manner. Otae was really taken aback by this. She knew she shouldn't be, for she had met _Okama_-men before, but never had she imagined that feelings would sink this deep between.. two men.

"I-Is that so?" Now she had to gather herself up and taking a seat next to Kondo, she opened the book for him to see too. Kondo restrained himself with all his might when Otae moved closer to her, first time in his life she was willing to approach him without trying to kill him. Feeling the corner of his mouth twitch, Kondo watched the love of his life and reddish shade colored his face.

"Then the place this love-couple lived had something against love between same sexual?"

Kondo wanted to answer, but now that she was acting extremely normally, which was very much rare, he couldn't open his mouth and ruin everything! This might be a once a lifetime chance to actually nail Otae all to himself! Tae eyed him, waiting his answer and he nodded fiercely, getting fussier when she stared him so closely.

"Eeh, so that's why Gin-san said this notebook is old.." Tae understood, "But what about this 'ocean diving'?" She pressed her index finger to show Kondo the sentence she meant.

And it was time for the Gorilla to shine! "Y-You see, at one point these lovers went and ran away. The world is the Ocean, and diving was like hiding." He had to impress Otae-san even more.. "But then later, this person was sure the persecutors would 'reach' them, finding them in general."

"Ohh.. Kondo-san is very good at this!" Otae smiled at him, Kondo blushed harder for this is the first time she had actually complimented him.

"Ahaha.. You think so?"

"'So we danced till we became one. We promised that we would be together even if death would try to rip us apart. But he had to take a walk. What a long painful walk.' And this?" Tae proceeded.

He nodded. "'Dancing until becoming one' is definitely se- I mean, lovemaking."

"L-Lovemaking?" She wondered how was it possible between two men to.. no, nevermind. "What about walking? What could have made walking so painful?"

"Yeah.. The writer was left alone. One of them had to leave."

"But he said, 'When you come back, I will make you happy for eternity'"

"This man knew that their promise to be together for eternity wouldn't disappear even after deaths, so 'When you come back' in meanings of 'When we both die.. I'll make you happy.'" Kondo felt the sorrow catching him too, even he should be the happiest man on earth right now.

"In that case.. The forbidden words he was talking about were.." Otae locked her eyes on Kondo. ".. I love you, right?"

And that was the last straw, he couldn't take it anymore.

"I LOVE YOU TOO, OTAE-SANN!"

Last thing he saw was Otae's beautiful feminine hand squeezing into a fist..

**~x~**

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It was still bright, when he was slouching through the streets and colorful leaves were flying in the air. Feeling a bit uneasy, when wind was blowing his face, he stopped dead on his tracks and gazed the sun. He didn't care if his eyes were damaged for this, and even if the sun wasn't warming him up, he was actually glad with it.

This day.. had been amazingly depressing. Not only did Kagura interrupt his sleeve, but when he went to Shimura Tae's house, something like that was read out loud. Simple words of pain, which could've belonged to anyone flood difficult memories in him. Gintoki sighed watching the sun. The fact that he remembered his Sensei, shouldn't bother him and he refused to get bothered by this. Gintoki deserved this pain, after all.

Shouyo-sensei.. was almost like the sun. He would warm anyone to life, not only because his kind words but caring deeds. Like the writer of the notebook, who was willing to wait for his lover in the afterlife, he was waiting for the day he met Shouyo-sensei once again. Gintoki squinted, indeed his Sensei was like this sun, which would warm up everything to life and that day when he was lost, the light would only remain. Now Sensei was only a light, which would illuminate his path for the rest of his life. Even if his path wasn't warm and save anymore, Sensei would always remain in the depths of his heart.

He coughed, Gintoki started moving on through the illuminated cold streets.

_"Now I'm going to make love to my vow of loneliness, until we'll meet again."_

**~x~**

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**A/N**: Really, thank you for reading this!


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